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On Tuesday, the Senate held a confirmation hearing for President-elect Donald J. Trump’s choice for defense secretary: the former “Fox & Friends” host Pete Hegseth, or as Jordan Klepper called him the “dude who makes sure everyone at the frat house has their stories straight.”
“A military cannot function unless it’s staffed by a system based on pure merit, where only the most qualified people rise to the top — so says your next secretary of defense, who will run the most complicated, powerful, deadly organization the world has ever known, and whose only qualification is that Trump liked watching him sit on a couch on Saturday mornings.” — JORDAN KLEPPER
“Now, you might remember Hegseth from his rather thin dossier of qualifications to run the most powerful military and single-largest work force in the world. There’s his stint as co-host of ‘Fox & Friends Weekends’ and the allegations of excessive drinking after work and at work, otherwise known as ‘always.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The hearing started at 9:30 this morning, or, as Pete calls it, happy hour.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Hegseth was hammered by Democrats on the Senate Armed Services Committee, who argued that he should be disqualified based on accounts of excessive drinking and allegations of sexual misconduct, which are two of the qualities Trump looks for in a nominee.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“We’re learning more about what the inauguration festivities will look like because we now know that The Village People will perform at one of Trump’s inaugural balls, leading many to ask, ‘Y?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The Village People are set to perform on Sunday at the Turning Point Inaugural Eve Ball. It will be the first time Trump has ever paid a construction worker on time.” — SETH MEYERS
“This is a big change of heart for The Village People, given that in 2020, they demanded Trump stop using their music — which is understandable, considering that every time he played it, he did the wrong dance.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Evidently, the band is trying to go in a new direction, and that direction is toward money, because a few weeks ago — a few weeks ago — lead singer Victor Willis posted that he will sue every news organization that falsely refers to ‘Y.M.C.A’ as a gay anthem.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
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