As a transgender person, I often dream about waking up in my ideal body. A moment in time when my lifelong dysphoria is suddenly wiped away by an impossible miracle. I’m not alone in this feeling, but like other gender non-conforming people, the harsh reality is trying to chip away at our insecurities and praying that a semblance of happiness can be drawn from it.
We can do this through clothes, haircuts, hormones, and everything possible to make all the pain somewhat bearable. It’s a difficult thing to describe unless you’ve experienced it, but it’s something that The Amazing Digital Circus explores with surprising effect. Not even through an explicitly queer character, but rather the foundational premise the show is built upon.
Glitch Production’s indie animation hit follows a group of misfits who find themselves trapped in a digital purgatory that resembles a clichéd circus setting in which they are tortured with a constant stream of tasks as a dark force pulls their strings from behind the scenes. While the show has only seen three episodes aired so far, it’s already a hit on YouTube and Netflix as it captures the imagination of a ravenous fandom. It’s simple, effective, and delightfully dark.
Every character in The Amazing Digital Circus is occupying a new form they didn’t choose. It is a side effect of being sucked into this digital world, and something everyone needs to take ownership of as they try and escape. Heroine Pomni is a classic Jester, while friend Ragatha is a Raggedy Ann-esque doll who is constantly pulled apart. Gangle is a creature made up of ribbons with interchangeable masks to represent her current mood, alongside the ringmaster Caine, who takes inspiration from Harlan Ellison’s I Have No Mouth, But I Must Scream.
The cast is creative and varied, and beneath all of their otherwise playful exteriors sit some deep characterisation the show is already beginning to explore. This includes Zooble, who is made up of various different pieces that can be changed at will. But given they are struggling to come up with an appearance that matches their own internal expectations, very little ever changes. At first this was a surface level observation, but the latest episode goes deeper.
// TADC SPOILERS
Genuinely Zooble’s metaphor of body dysmorphia and their unhappiness and discontent with her body with so many options is so real and accurate, and how much dysmorphia really affects people and prevents people from doing things pic.twitter.com/J2u4H5vREe
— Yeva / Celene || TADC SPOILERS (@SpringPopsicles) October 4, 2024
Zooble finds themselves in an impromptu therapy session with Caine, and it turns out that two people trapped in a hellish circus purgatory don’t have the best mental health. But it’s still a deep look into the psyche of a character who, up until this point, has been seen as a standoffish piece of comic relief. Here though, things are different.
They talk about the sad and tragic reality of having to live with a body you don’t even recognise, let alone one that makes you happy. Having all the removable parts in the world can’t prevent the nagging feelings at your core from springing forth, especially in a world where your agency is often taken away from you.
Despite being the only character in the show with the freedom to change how they look and pursue an aesthetic future not defined by purgatory, Zooble still isn’t happy. Because this just isn’t how body dysmorphia or gender dysphoria works. No matter how you might look to the people in your life who care about you and matter most, the irrational thoughts still win out. It is something I’ve lived with for decades and absolutely despise, but recognising that and the knowledge that I’m allowed to feel okay about how I look and feel is the key to progress.
While the show is yet to touch heavily upon the real life counterparts of its cast, this feels like a way for Zooble to express many of the struggles they were dealing with before becoming a glorified circus attraction, and their form in this world represents who they once were. People who are yet to transition or begin to embrace their true identity can be emotionally distant or aggressive, often as a way to cope with their own inner turmoil, and the second Zooble is in a safe space to share what’s eating away at them, their entire characterisation changes.
At first, I feared The Amazing Digital Circus was going to waste its excellent premise before quickly devolving into predictable clichés, but it seems to be exploring its trapped characters and their inner turmoil to great effect. Zooble is only one example of how they address the issues of dysmorphia in a new body which is designed to be nipped and tucked for eternity, as if this twisted clown dimension is mocking them for daring to be open and vulnerable. It’s dark, twisted, and incredibly poignant, and I bet we’re going to see a lot more of that in the episodes to come.
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